Local Murder Mystery

The Setting: my mind
The Plot: death
The Cast: me and you
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It takes place about two years ago (maybe more) when my definition of the World Wide Web was simply centered around school websites and BlackPlanet. I should have then taken into account the metaphor that I was in DESPERATE need of "learning" one area before trying to slip into something else...But I didn't. With one simple click of the "send" button, I'd made arrangements to meet you.
(Pay no mind to those foolish girls who fell victim to the infamous "cyber mate". I was different and would play this game TOTALLY different.)
My aim was to meet you, seduce you, and use you until nothing was left but dry pockets and arousal. This was the only program that I'd grown to "master", because school had DEFINITELY deserted my concerns. I've always been able to make the grade- no problem. But I was tired of being the prey- I wanted to take the pain that I'd learned so much about from fake engagements to punk mama's boys and bootleg thugs/dope boys to plain-Jane, mundane manipulators and unleash it on you.
But it seemed you latched on like a venomous lake creature and persisted with the unwanted phone calls and requests for visits.
Hmph...I'd pity you foolish boy as I only wanted you when the time suited ME. When your money was right. When I was hungry. When I was bored. SIMPLE JOYS just to get away from the monotony of the small-town life. It made cutting you off EASY; so in my mind, your existence ceased. You were dead to me.
Shortly thereafter, I came I came across "the young and dumb" and the plain old "forgotten". What tangled web I'd woven and found myself displaced from sanity. So far gone had I begun to slip that I felt my spirit slipping also...but that's when you were somehow revived and made your way to break my fall.
Looking back, I visualize my plummet and shiver at the thought. After the resistance, the controversy, the confusion, and the games, you remained. And while honored, this thought made me shiver more- cold with freight actually. Your type doesn't come as "the good Samaritan", and you DEFINITELY won't give anything without a price. So what was this fee that I should pay? You said not a word, but I foolishly gave away my comfort, my sanity, and my spirit- not by request however. Nuh uh...It was me. I was too ashamed of my past and could not believe that someone knowledgeable thereof would or could accept me. Death to the idea of trust. Death to my confidence. Death to my livelihood.
So once again, I closed up and retaliated. Yes. I was that one who had the power to turn mountains into rubble, or to ruin a good thing.
I speak as if I'm solely to blame, but alas, I've taken heed to all that I know. This small town girl and witnessed big time drama. While you are a reflection of all that I love, you are also a reflection of that which once broke me down inside. I want you to ask yourself, where do you see yourself in five to ten years. I know that if I continue down this wavering path, I'll be in an ever so familiar place. Nowhere that I'VE been before, but somewhere frequented by someone special.
trust....Trust....TRUST....TRUST! the words stab at my mind with no remorse. It mutilates my mind and kills me inside. Thus my soul lies here...bleeding....and crying for help in solid darkness.

*********************************To Be Continued********************************