*Sigh* (otherwise UNTITLED)

*sigh*

The things of my mind are simple wastes of time...
that which can't be fixed. Conflicts and restrictions of mine. 
I'm trying to unwind. 
But as the minutes fly, I find that it's not that I haven't seen the light but it is myself that chose not to shine. Intrinsically superior. 
Yet we cower as if inferior..."inadequate "? HA... 
Only thru mine own eyes. From outside looking in, I am the queen of a gold mine. 
My smile beams. My soul shines. I'm a part of a legacy so divine. 
But deep within, I am weak at the spine. 
My hands are scarred. My spirit frets. 
My heart so tender it breaks at the mere thought of things I've not seen yet... TIRED... 
So yes...the things in my mind. Are often a waste of time. 
So bleak are these thoughts that they tend to smother my shine. 
But alas, I'll smile. Until the burden of pretend becomes the reality of mine.

Purpose Versus Prosperity: How's Life Going?

So I'm walking through Walmart and browsing the markdown movies when I am overcome by this sudden feeling of "incompleteness". As a young woman approaching her 30s, I feel that having this type of void is not good. It is reflexive of discontent and aimless wonderment...a bit of an extreme you say? Not really. Think about it this way...being discontent, dissatisfied, isn't the problem. However, that feeling of incompleteness comes by being dissatisfied with no foreseeable path to happiness. Thus, when you find that the path down which you wonder is bleak or altogether unapparent, you can can deduce that you're wondering aimlessly.
Coming from a past wherein I excelled and overachieved at most everything that I set out to do, I am torn by my current reality of being a  "nobody" or a "just somebody else". This isn't the first time that I've attacked myself with the " who am I?" questionnaire. But this is the first time that it's hit me so randomly which causes the idea to concern me more than ever. I live by the motto: "Don't point out the problem if you can't suggest a solution." With that being said ......I'm feeling a bit hypocritical. I have no earthly idea how to DISCOVER MY PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Spiritualists may holler, "Seek God." Ambitionists may scream, "Find what you love and just do it." Free-Spirits mat think it best to just "go where life takes you." But being a more visual individual , I yearn certainty- or at least a ball park visual. And as much as I pray, I've rarely gotten assertions of my future.
As of right now, I feel like "I'm just living llife" (quoted with Rae Sremmurd in mind). I'll vouch to living prosperously, but I desire to live purposefully. So what's the next step ?

Death to TABOO: The Distorted View of Generation x

Taboo not so taboo ...Think back when we were children. Most of us can recall coming home from school to SOMEbody who would enforce the idea: WORK BEFORE PLAY. Let me and my brother try to hit the streets and that lesson not be completed. We got "blessed out" just for thinking so ignorantly...And Sunday mornings? That morning was chopped full of gospel music and the smell of bacon drifting from the kitchen. Best believe would have swallowed every OUNCE of food prior to going to church ; as both tasks were IMPERATIVE. There was my momma and my daddy. There was also my brother alongside myself. All of us couped up in a 4 room - not 4 bedrooms, but four ROOMS- house living with the bare minimums.

You may question what do I call "minimum"? 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a living room...We had to go next door to use the restroom. We heated water on the stove. And rats and roaches were my brother and my first recollection of roommates.  My parents were more like components in a boxing match as opposed to a match made in heaven. (At least that's how I see it retrospectively) Nevertheless, they were always at work, striving to keep our house and home together. It wasn't until I got old enough to truly comprehend the signs of heartache and dispair that I appreciated my mom's motion to leave my dad.

Don't misunderstand me. Although I am a firm believer that some women beg for an a** whoopin, I'm not the one to condone the abusive man. With that being said , I can vow that my pops was a pretty raw husband and (at some point became) 50% of a father. That's why I get pissed about the whole " making it work for the sake of the kids" theory.

"Making it work for the sake of the kids" is just a selfish parenting tactic that keeps good sex arouns and a lazy attempt minimal level comfort in tact. despite what our ancestors did and regardless of what our parents do, there is little to no positivity in two battling parties staying aboard just to paint an image for their kids. I'm not saying this as if to pass this ideal off as my own. I am simply putting into perspective why our generation has turned a once "sacred entity" into a
"Eenie meanie miney mo" scheme. Sex, money, and power are all pawns and winnings used interchangeably.

I have friends who quick to fall for the guy who can break the most bread but look dumb in the face when they wind up single and used up again. On the other hand, I've known men to become pussy whipped but are totally unattracted to the actual female. Those are the ones who get slapped to reality when the baby comes into the picture. I won't lie. I've been on both sides of those fences at some point, and I live with the circumstances daily. It's turned me into somewhat of a stereotype, but somewhat typical to our society. Because sadly , what was once TABOO is now the NORM.